Car Trouble (or) A Day in the Life of an Absentminded Idiot

Most people who know me know that I am a tad bit clumsy, directionally challenged, kind of not so great driver, etc.  For those of you who don’t, I will summarize:  I always spill things on myself.  When we were younger, my sister started saying that anyone who ever spilled something on themselves “pulled a Maureen.”  I have been hours late to events because I got lost.  And people who have ridden in a large automated vehicle with me while I was driving have sometimes feared for their lives.  And that is just the short list.

Which brings us to last week.  Thursday afternoon around 1:00 pm.  I am driving an extremely large (seriously, it’s a beast) Chevy Suburban (federally-owned, mind you) to the Jiffy Lube to get the oil changed.  No more than 5-10 minutes after leaving the parking lot, I hear a loud CRACK.  Yep.  I just took out the passenger side rearview mirror.  At this time I shout some sort of expletive but don’t know what else to do so I just keep driving to the Jiffy Lube.  When I get there, I get the oil changed and whatever else they say got done to it (I really have no idea what they were talking about at all) and I ask them where I might go to get the mirror fixed.  They don’t really know because the government has certain rules about where they can take their vehicles so they basically tell me my best bet is the dealer (all the while the guy ringing me up is unsuccessfully trying to suppress his laughter). 

So I go to the Chevy dealer (which I only found because I drive down the automall on Lomas everyday, and because Matt had told me what cross street it was on) and get an estimate.  Expensive.  I decide to go back to the office to make sure it’s ok to get it fixed before doing this, and as it turns out, Wayne had done the exact same thing before.  So obviously he wasn’t mad.  And I call to make an appointment for the next day.  All is well.  Sorta. 

That evening I get in my car and begin to drive home.  I get to about Lomas and Carlisle and all of a sudden my car starts slowing down.  WTF, I think.  So I push the gas harder.  It slows down more. It dawns on me that I am completely out of gas and have just enough to pull my car over to the median.   I seriously was going to get some gas on the way home that night, I just didn’t have time before.  Obviously it does not care about my schedule.  I turn on my hazards and begin wandering around trying to find a gas station but realize I don’t know where the closest one would be in walking distance so I call Matt to see if he can tell me.  He says he has some gas in his backyard (why, I do not know) and will bring it to me, and that I should wait in my car until he gets there.  While I am waiting a lady pulls up and asks if I need help.  “No,” I say.  “My boyfriend is bringing me some gas.”  She tells me to lock my doors and don’t talk to strangers.  Or something like that.  And goes on her merry way.  Matt shows up and almost gets run over trying to put some gas in my car, because Saturn decided to put the tank on the right side for some odd reason.  I have enough gas to get to a gas station and end up going to the most expensive one (which isn’t all that expensive anymore, so I guess I can’t complain).  Then Matt and I go to Trader Joe’s and have the free samples and go home to make some dinner.  What a lovely day.

On Friday I got the mirror fixed and it was about $100 less expensive than I thought, which was good, but still not low enough for me not to have to fill out an accident report, which I found out about on Monday.  At this time, my boss, who was on leave on Thursday and Friday, found out about the whole thing.  I’m not sure if he was mad or not.  He just asked me what happened and seemed relieved that it was only the mirror, I had already gotten it fixed, no one else was involved, and I had reported it to Wayne when it happened.  He said he couldn’t get too upset with me about it since Wayne had done it before too. 

But overall, just a glimpse into one day as an example of how awesome I am.